Parenting + Letting Go | St. Augustine + Jacksonville Photographer

in

June 16, 2017

Parenthood is forever changing me. Often dragging me through the mud. Forcing me to change my mind and pressuring me to explore why I hold the views I do. The fact that children are the ultimate teachers in this life proves true regularly. I am so wildly in love with my children yet simultaneously ready to rip my hair out and travel to a far off island and drink until my face falls off. 

Each of my children are fiercely their own beings. I see so much of myself in each of my children yet so much of them is so clearly their own. My oldest is obsessed with Pokemon and video games and legos. She's an all around geek and genuine free spirit. I love her long blonde beachy hair. She loves scissors. More times than I can count I've caught her hair has met those scissors. I screamed and punished her the first couple times, then came to the realization that it's her hair - not mine. I do not own her body. I didn't get to pick how she looked when I gave birth to her, and I don't get to pick now. But damnit do I wish I did. So when she asked me if she could cut her hair,  I said yes. I selfishly hoped it would build trust and help her stop going behind my back to cut her hair (her uneven locks and the fact that she never brushes her hair make it hard to confirm but pretty sure she's cut it again since this grand day). I explained to her that if she hates it - I can't fix it and will not pay to go to a salon after the fact. If she messes it up bad it can take years to grow back. So she cautiously went to town on her un-washed, un-brushed hair. She took about 3-4 inches off. She let me even out the back when she was done. It came out cute minus some chunks in the front and I was incredibly relieved she didn't cut at the scalp.

I worry about my children looking 'presentable' because it is seen as a reflection of me, though an insignificant reflection I do admit. I don't want others to judge me. I want to feel 'proud' - like I 'succeeded' -as if my kids looking 'cute' (which is crazy subjective anyway) is at all a reflection on my ability to raise functioning and fantastic humans. But more than that I want to raise my kids to be happy. I want to raise them to be bold in who they are and not let others dim their light, no matter how funky it may shine. So this summer I took a big gulp of my pride and let me six year old cut her own hair. . . And I may have agreed to let her dye it purple if she gets all her stars for doing all her chores for a full week. . . 

 

 

Public Breastfeeding In NE Florida #PBAP2017 | St. Augustine Photographer

 

As World Breastfeeding Month comes to a close I once again look back with such gratitude for all of the women who stepped in front of my lens and shared their stories with the world. Here's to making the world more accepting of mothers and their children. #PBAP2017

-----

Tammy's Journey : 

As a mother of two children, my breastfeeding journeys are total opposites. When my first born arrived in this world, I was at a younger age of 26 years old, with little knowledge of breastfeeding. After my son was born, I recall spending my days and nights nursing every couple hours, frustrated and sleep deprived, feeling like I was in a tunnel with not an end in sight. Due to some post-partum issues and a relationship with so many ups and downs, I was not eating enough to maintain my milk supply. He was also not gaining weight or thriving the way he should have been. With everything going on in my personal life, I decided to end my journey with breastfeeding with my son as early as 7 weeks old.


When my second born, my daughter, entered this world, I intended on trying again with
breastfeeding and hoping for more success. I was at the age of 30, and felt I had more stability in my life to succeed with breastfeeding. I had not educated myself with the benefits of breastfeeding, but I had the support from my fiancé, his sister and mother, my family and some friends of mine this time around, which helped tremendously. When my daughter latched in the hospital, everything was going so wonderfully. She was eating and seemed to be thriving beautifully. At her first check-up though, she had lost over 10% of her weight, which caused alarm for the doctor, myself and my fiancé. Again, I felt the feelings of defeat. I had started to feel excruciating pain when she latched and over the course of the next few days, the pain caused my anxiety to increase during the times of her feedings. The once
enjoyable moments with my daughter, had now become overwhelming and unbearable pain.

With the support from my fiancé, we went to a lactation consultant who informed us that our daughter had a lip and tongue tie that needed to be corrected. We were informed that this was the cause of my pain, and her excessive weight loss. We called and made an appointment for the following week to have this issue corrected. After we supplemented formula for a period of 24 hours, I decided then that I wanted to continue on with this breastfeeding journey, no matter what. My pump arrived the day after visiting the lactation consultant, and I began pumping every 2 ½ hours so my daughter could have a bottle of MY milk every 3 hours. Again, I felt exhausted and overwhelmed at times, but this time around I was determined to not give up. My daughter had the procedure, and for the next several weeks, I continued to pump and we gave her bottles of breastmilk. At 10 weeks old, I felt the desire to try again with getting
her to latch, and every day we practiced more and more. I am proud to say that today, we are at 16 weeks and still going strong! I now have these beautiful moments in the morning of nursing my baby girl. I am blessed to have a job that lets me pump twice a day so I can supply her with milk while I am away. And after a long day at work, I come home and nurse my baby girl until it is time for bed. I even have those special moments in the middle of the night, when she wakes up, rooting for her food, and wants to be closer to me. What an unbelievable beautiful feeling that I will remember the rest of my life!


When the bump in the road of my second journey with breastfeeding occurred, I almost gave
up. I remember telling my fiancé I wanted to give up. But something inside me said NO. During this time, I educated myself on the benefits of Breastmilk. Besides having that unbelievable bond with my daughter, I continued to read article after article of its benefits. I joined women’s groups on Facebook for more support and have learned more than I ever thought possible. It truly is incredible what a woman’s body was made to do for our children. We supply them with food to thrive, yet today we are at in a negative light when we feed our little ones out in public. There are the people that stare, say rude remarks, or looked embarrassed when we whip out our breasts to feed our beloved children.

I believe breastfeeding in public or continuing with breastfeeding despite the remarks, is only a
sign of strength. I respect every woman, who continues on even through these hard and trying times. I look forward to continuing on with my breastfeeding journey with my daughter. I am making small goals to reach my bigger goal of 1 year. I have reached my first goal of 3 months, and already we are making our way to the 6-month goal. During this process, I have meet other women whose journeys are different, yet our goal is the same: to nourish our babies and spread awareness of the benefits of Breastfeeding.


To every woman, no matter how you feed your baby, you are incredible.