Comparison is a bitch.

I've been in the photography world for a little over two years now- which in and of itself blows my mind.

Many days I will look back at all of the things I have learned a long the way and I am really proud of how much I have learned. Still very much aware that much room for growth still exists- but proud of the progress all the same.

Then, somehow, I started noticing what other photographers were doing. How much they were growing. And I felt my heart explode a little (ok - a lot).

It's easy to look around and be jealous that many of my peers appear to be growing faster then I am, both artistically and business wise. When I do that I start to feel like crap. Then my ego creeps in, and not in a good way. I start getting jealous and thinking about how I can do bigger or better. That is not the person I want to be. That is not the 'motivation' I want to have.

I have been very specific in growing my business. I have made plenty of mistakes - but from day one I have wanted my brand to be real, raw and representative of me. I have turned down weddings, on multiple occasions, fully aware that weddings are where the money is in photography. When I start feeling defeated I tend to think "I'll start taking weddings on". But weddings are not something I'm passionate about in the slightest (I eloped at 37 weeks pregnant in a bright red dress with 48 hours of planning and zero guests - I am so not the wedding girl). On the flip side I have been shamelessly honest about my struggles with life and motherhood and being an imperfect mess.

And that imperfect mess of a mother has built this business on imperfect conditions. I spent the first two years working from a computer with a failing hard drive. I cannot count the amount of times it would blue screen mid edit. I had to teach myself everything I've learned with multiple small children surrounding me at all times and on less than impressive equipment. I didn't have a schedule or support system in place that let me practice by myself - ever - I had to use stolen time while with my children.

I'm not always fully booked, but I do get regular and consistent business. My work may not have me traveling the globe or purchasing a huge house. But my work has brought women together. It's helped encourage moms to feel comfortable feeding their children. It's started friendships. It's helped moms know they aren't alone in their struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety. And it may not be earth shattering, but to me, that is so much more fulfilling then a full bank account.

And I'm putting this in writing so that next time I get caught up in that which does not matter - I have something to bring me back down to earth.

I have gone against the grain at many phases of this journey - and it's been glorious. And I will continue to pursue what I believe is beautiful.

Day 131 : March 24, 2016

Day 132: March 25, 2016

Day 133: March 26, 2016

Day 134: March 27, 2016

Day 135 : March 28, 2016

Day 136 : March 29, 2016

I was pre-occupied about getting published on Scary Mommy and SELF magazine all in one day, so I dropped the ball - here is a screen shot from my cell that day

Day 137 : March 30, 2016

Day 138 : March 31, 2016

Because I am a perfectionist and dropped the ball twice before I considered throwing in the towel and didn't take a picture this day. I'm glad I got over that and kept on with the project. Here is another cell shot.