Bedtime | Project 365 {Days 51-57}

January 10, 2016

This blog is a part of my project 365 series. Documenting life and sharing too much, every day, for 365 days. To see more CLICK HERE

The day is done and it's time for sleep. . . .

My 5 year old is arguing with me about cleaning up her art project mess. My 2.5 year old is throwing a tantrum in the hall and taking her pajamas off for the 2nd time tonight. My 7 month old refuses to let me remove my breast from his mouth so I can fully attend to either of his sisters. The dogs are running around the house like maniacs and my husband is at work.

I'm sitting in the chair nursing and rocking the baby, praying he actually falls asleep. I'm pretending my tea is wine while crossing my fingers to get a call that I have a mom in labor so I can phone the babysitter and ditch this disaster.

I nurse the baby to sleep. Swap my nipple out for a paci and pray he stays passed out. . Spoiler alert: He doesn't.

I set him down to play- he crys, obviously over tired. I try to nurse him back to sleep - he opts to do yoga while nursing instead. I give him his paci and set him in the pack and play in our room.

He starts to cry instantly.

I close the door and walk away.

I retrieve my tantruming two year old from the floor and put her pajamas back on. With her on my hip I go and help my 5 year old clean up her mess, which is somehow larger then when she started 'cleaning'.

The baby is still crying in my room.

I get the girls cups of water and tuck them in. Instead of reading a bedtime story I make up the most ridiculous/pathetic "story" about a princesses and aliens. The girls share a room so after 500 questions about the princess, and aliens, and why the sky is blue, the three of us argue in circles about leaving the bedroom door open or closed. We agree to leave it open. Then they argue about leaving the hall light on or off and what noise to put on the sound machine. In an attempt to not explode into crazy yelling mom I close the door and walk away. The 2 year old starts yelling again.

I go retrieve my crying baby from the pack and play in our room. He's been crying for more then ten minutes. I bring him to our bed and attempt to nurse him to sleep yet again. He stops crying as soon as he is latched. Down the hall I eventually silence from the girls room. YES! Two down one to go!

As I nurse he starts to fall asleep. I know if I dare get up now he will wake wake up, so I turn on my phone and mindlessly scroll through Facebook while he uses me as a human pacifier.

Oh fun- an article about how letting your baby cry it out is horrible and damaging to children. More fun is the moms who chime in under the comments: "How could a mother do that to their child!?" "I could NEVER let my baby cry like that!" "That should be considered child abuse!" "When my baby cries I ALWAYS help - it's just NATURAL - how could a mother ignore their crying child??".

Half asleep my son does one of those infamous post-cry hiccups as I read.

I type "Fuck You" in the comments. Thankfully my tea wasn't really wine and I delete my comment before I hit post.

These days when I see someone being all 'holier than thou' on social media I just assume they are drunk and don't mean to be so harsh. Heaven knows I have a hard time filtering myself and can be overly intense, so I can empathize.

Share issues you care about, absolutely, but make sure you're not being an ass while doing so. You're not going to accomplish anything positive by making people feel like crap.

Day 51 : January 04, 2016

Day 52 : January 05, 2016

Day 53 : January 06, 2016

Day 54 : January 07, 2016

Day 55 : January 08, 2016

Day 56 : January 09, 2016

Day 57 : January 10, 2015

Values | Project 365 {Days 45-50}

January 03, 2016

This blog is a part of my project 365 series. Documenting life and sharing too much, every day, for 365 days. To see more CLICK HERE

"If you don't value yourself no one will"

I'm pretty sure any and every entrepreneur has heard this several times - it's certainly a tired phrase in the photography world.

So this year I am focusing more on value. What do I value - in my work and more importantly in my life? Why am I in this field? What do I hope to accomplish?

When we place our value in our wallets we're setting ourselves up for failure no matter how fiscally successful we may be. When we think we need more - we need bigger - we need better, faster, easier EVERYTHING - we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. What we actually NEED to get by and to LIVE is quite minimal.

Many photographers are angry. They are upset because our work isn't valued. Talent not appreciated.

But I'd argue that as photographers our work, our art, is more valuable now then ever. When in the history of time did our images have the potential to be so visible? The internet has made access to our images abundant. Our work can be powerful. Inspiring. Humbling. Motivating. Depressing. EDUCATIONAL. The list goes on.

Running this business has snowballed into something bigger than I had initially anticipated. It's been fun and fascinating (and often times overwhelming) to learn the ropes of this world (and admittedly I haven't even scratched the surface).

So here's to another year - to focusing on what's really important - in all aspects of life.

Day 45 : December 29

Day 46 : December 30

Day 47 : December 31

Day 48 : January 01, 2016

Day 49 : January 02, 2016

January 03, 2015 : Day 50

As this year comes to a close | Project 365 {Days 35-44}

December 28, 2015

This blog is a part of my project 365 series. Documenting life and sharing too much, every day, for 365 days. For previous entries see the link at the end of this page.

As this year comes to a close I'm blown away that only a year has passed. Time is just such a fascinating thing.

Its been a year of change. A year of deep heartache. A year of perseverance. A lot of learning. And then a lot more lessons. It's been painfully humbling yet been brilliantly resilient.

Life is full of its ups and downs. Always has been - always will be. I haven't fully sorted out how I feel now standing on the other side of this particular storm- but I feel different. Very different.

And as the dark clouds continue to pass I have finally had an opportunity to wipe my eyes and look at the world around me. It feels different. Very different. And I am humbled, once again, that no matter how impossible parts of this past year have seemed - we made it out alive - and we are so goddamn blessed.

Of the many many things this year has taught me - one is pretty consistent : like it or not, I have absolutely no clue what the future holds.

So here's to 2016.
I am ready for you.

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Day 35 : December 19